Beavers Are Us
Stephen Harper thinks wolverines are better than beavers. That's according to a recent article in The Economist, in which Harper seems to suggest that our national animal, the beaver, doesn't fairly or fully represent Canada's role in the world today.
I understand what Harper was trying to say: in hockey or in trench warfare, Canucks have had the reputation of fighting with dogged persistence and in some cases, outright viciousness. More like wolverines, as the Prime Minister suggests... and bully for us, I guess. But as The Economist rightly points out, the wolverine (also known as 'skunk bear') is hardly a glorious critter. And Harper betrays both ignorance and insecurity if he thinks the nastier national animals out there are cooler than our beloved beaver.
Eagles are magnificent to look at, but they're carrion-eaters. Anyone who's watched a flock of bald eagles eviscerate a creekbed full of spent, rotten salmon can attest to how disgusting they can be. Same goes for bears. In fact, black bears are most commonly seen at the town dump, and the more imposing grizzly bear has a nasty reputation for randomly eating innocent hikers.
Then there's the wolf. If Farley Mowat is to be believed, wolves get most of their nutrition from eating mice, which is hardly heroic. Other canine species are just as problematic: foxes are foxy, which isn't the way we like to be seen, and bulldogs slobber, and dingos are liable to snatch and eat babies left unattended at picnics.
As for lions: well, the males are magnificent with their shaggy manes, but they're lazy and irritable and it's the females who do the bulk of the work. I doubt that's the way any country with aspirations to greatness wants to paint itself, whatever the truth of the situation may be. And don't get me started on those poncey Chinese lions with the JS Bach wigs on. Suitable for guarding museum doors, and that's about it.
The Economist's own suggestion of a burly moose in sunglasses as the new Canadian icon was pretty cool, but the trouble with moose is, when they've shed their antlers, they look like big, weird, dumb, bog-dwelling ungulates, which is what they are. You might make a case for the bison, if we hadn't virtually wiped them off the map... but then again, we'd have to take the Buffalo Sabers to court over their logo, which would make us look like bullies.
The truth is that the beaver suits us, whether we like it or not. Beavers are industrious, ingenious, irrepressible, and occasionally, funny. At the the same time, left unchecked they are totally damaging. They dam every stream they can find and cut down trees willy-nilly, sometimes without any reason but to keep their teeth sharp. Sound familiar?
Beavers also eat their own poop. As a people, we don't do that. But if Harper is trying to say "Canadians' don't take shit from anyone," we could just mutter under our breaths, "except from ourselves," and we'd be right on the money. Right on the money, get it? Just like the beaver!
And speaking of money - all this speculation about national character puts me in mind of the maniacal midnight mooning of another beloved Canadian symbol. If we're not satisfied to be a nation of beavers, I betcha a buck we could sell ourselves as nation of loons...
I understand what Harper was trying to say: in hockey or in trench warfare, Canucks have had the reputation of fighting with dogged persistence and in some cases, outright viciousness. More like wolverines, as the Prime Minister suggests... and bully for us, I guess. But as The Economist rightly points out, the wolverine (also known as 'skunk bear') is hardly a glorious critter. And Harper betrays both ignorance and insecurity if he thinks the nastier national animals out there are cooler than our beloved beaver.
Eagles are magnificent to look at, but they're carrion-eaters. Anyone who's watched a flock of bald eagles eviscerate a creekbed full of spent, rotten salmon can attest to how disgusting they can be. Same goes for bears. In fact, black bears are most commonly seen at the town dump, and the more imposing grizzly bear has a nasty reputation for randomly eating innocent hikers.
Then there's the wolf. If Farley Mowat is to be believed, wolves get most of their nutrition from eating mice, which is hardly heroic. Other canine species are just as problematic: foxes are foxy, which isn't the way we like to be seen, and bulldogs slobber, and dingos are liable to snatch and eat babies left unattended at picnics.
As for lions: well, the males are magnificent with their shaggy manes, but they're lazy and irritable and it's the females who do the bulk of the work. I doubt that's the way any country with aspirations to greatness wants to paint itself, whatever the truth of the situation may be. And don't get me started on those poncey Chinese lions with the JS Bach wigs on. Suitable for guarding museum doors, and that's about it.
The Economist's own suggestion of a burly moose in sunglasses as the new Canadian icon was pretty cool, but the trouble with moose is, when they've shed their antlers, they look like big, weird, dumb, bog-dwelling ungulates, which is what they are. You might make a case for the bison, if we hadn't virtually wiped them off the map... but then again, we'd have to take the Buffalo Sabers to court over their logo, which would make us look like bullies.
The truth is that the beaver suits us, whether we like it or not. Beavers are industrious, ingenious, irrepressible, and occasionally, funny. At the the same time, left unchecked they are totally damaging. They dam every stream they can find and cut down trees willy-nilly, sometimes without any reason but to keep their teeth sharp. Sound familiar?
Beavers also eat their own poop. As a people, we don't do that. But if Harper is trying to say "Canadians' don't take shit from anyone," we could just mutter under our breaths, "except from ourselves," and we'd be right on the money. Right on the money, get it? Just like the beaver!
And speaking of money - all this speculation about national character puts me in mind of the maniacal midnight mooning of another beloved Canadian symbol. If we're not satisfied to be a nation of beavers, I betcha a buck we could sell ourselves as nation of loons...
posted by David Newland at 22.2.07
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